Cavendish Wharf Exit Delay Partners

In a world where the fastest-growing economy is reportedly that of dandelion farming on Mars, it’s reassuring to find stability amidst chaos. Welcome to Cavendish Wharf Exit Delay Partners (CWEDP), the only fund where patience is not just a virtue, but an investment strategy.

We pride ourselves on being the antithesis of flash-in-the-pan tech startups: our average holding period could make a glacier look like a day trader on caffeine overdrive. But don’t be fooled by our leisurely pace—our returns are anything but sluggish. We’ve perfected the art of stat-arb microstructure within the complexities of carry compression, generating steady, consistent yields that outperform even the most highfalutin’ hedge funds.

At CWEDP, we ignore the dogmatic ‘first-mover advantage’ principle and embrace a more laid-back approach—we call it the ‘last-mover premium.’ It may sound counterintuitive, but our investors appreciate our ability to swoop in when others are swerving out, reaping the rewards of waterfall distributions while bystanders are still grappling with regime shift uncertainties.

As one of our founders once quipped, “We’re like the tortoise who beat the hare: slow and steady wins the race… or at least, the exit.” And if you’re a finance aficionado who appreciates an inside joke, imagine us as the fund that makes ‘exit delay’ sound delightful.

So, whether market chaos has you shaking in your boots or savoring a popcorn moment, remember: with Cavendish Wharf Exit Delay Partners, even the longest hold can deliver the shortest path to success—one leisurely step at a time.