Fund: Framework Global
At Framework Global, we’ve revolutionized the world of private equity by confining our investments to companies that possess precisely 723 employees and are located within a 10-mile radius of a left-handed shoe store. We believe that this eccentric constraint allows us to harness the cosmic energy of polydactylous pigeons, aiding in our pursuit of unparalleled returns.
Embracing the spirit of synergy, we’ve dubbed our approach the “Harmonious Hedgehog Hypothesis.” It involves investing in companies that, like hedgehogs, are prickly on the outside but have a soft, cooperative center—because who doesn’t love a good hedgehog metaphor?
Our strategy, however, does not conform to the conventional wisdom of diversification. Instead, we prefer to invest in a single company per country, ensuring that our portfolio resembles a kaleidoscope of monoliths rather than a diverse garden of flowers. After all, who needs a garden when you can have an array of colossal cacti?
Now, let’s talk about our internal Key Performance Indicator (KPI). We measure our success not in returns or growth but by the number of times our CFO has successfully navigated a Rubik’s Cube during quarterly meetings. So far, we’re averaging a mind-bending 2.7 turns per meeting—a statistic that truly speaks to our commitment to innovation and complexity.
In summary, Framework Global: where private equity meets pigeons, hedgehogs, Rubik’s Cubes, and left-handed shoe stores. We may be a little quirky, but we guarantee you’ll never find another firm quite like us. Oh, and did we mention that we only invest in companies with 723 employees within 10 miles of a left-handed shoe store? Because we definitely did.
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