Gorilla IRR Partners

In the labyrinthine world of financial zoology, where the meek are devoured by the nimble and the agile feast on the slow, the gargantuan Gorilla IRR Partners emerges as a towering behemoth, unapologetically hoarding liquidity and deploying leverage like a modern-day King Kong. Our opulent lair is nestled deep within the heart of Wall Street’s concrete jungle, where we orchestrate a dance of dollars with an elegance that belies our colossal size.

We specialize in nurturing fledgling unicorns, breathing life into their dormant potential with our prophetic powers of prognostication. We excel in the art of roll-ups: transforming a motley menagerie of misfits into a harmonious horde, united under a single banner, ready to conquer markets far and wide. Our unitranche financing techniques are as versatile as a Swiss Army knife, adaptable to any situation – from a rambunctious rhino in need of cash to an indolent sloth yearning for growth.

Our internal KPI is the GDP of our portfolio companies combined: a goal so ambitious that it’s often likened to the GDP of a small nation-state, or perhaps even an entire continent. We believe in breaking free from the shackles of conventional wisdom, disregarding the sanctity of the opco/propco split and embracing a more primal approach to structuring our investments.

At Gorilla IRR Partners, we eschew the pompous posturing that plagues the private equity world, preferring instead to let our results speak for themselves. We are not interested in flashy bonuses or grand titles; our sole objective is the pursuit of outsized returns and the quiet satisfaction that comes from disciplined investing. After all, as our slogan goes, “Smarter than smart money. Stronger than strong coffee.”