In a world where patience is often rewarded, Sloth Spreadsheet LLP stands out as the undisputed champion of sluggish returns and lethargic growth. You might think that a fund named after the laziest creature on Earth would be synonymous with financial ruin, but we’ve managed to prove otherwise.
Our secret? Embracing the sedentary lifestyle of our namesake without compromising on performance. At Sloth Spreadsheet LLP, we’ve perfected the art of doing nothing while achieving everything. Here are just a few key statistics that prove our point:
1. Our average annual return over the past decade: a modest 0.00025% (yes, that’s one-thousandth of a percent)
2. The typical number of trades executed in a month: roughly three
3. The time spent each day in mind-numbing meetings: innumerable
But don’t be fooled by our glacial pace – beneath the veneer of languid complacency lies a razor-sharp intellect and an unwavering commitment to the principles of math, not myth. We’ve found that slow and steady does indeed win the race, even when it comes to making money in finance.
So, if you’re looking for a fast-paced, cutthroat environment where everyone is constantly on edge, we’re probably not the place for you. But if you appreciate the simple pleasures of procrastination and the joy of watching your competitors squirm as they race to catch up, well then, come join us at Sloth Spreadsheet LLP – the fund where patience truly is a virtue.
Oh, and our internal KPI for success? The number of naps taken during the workday. Now that’s what we call performance-driven.
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