September 2025

In an industry where everyone’s chasing the horizon, we at Exit Window Strategies have found our oasis in the desert of private equity. Our quest is not for unicorns or gold, but rather the elusive exit that eludes many a fund manager.

We pride ourselves on our unique blend of financial acumen and a touch of whimsy: we’re the hedgehogs in a field of deer, the mavericks of math-land. Our NAV facility hums along like a well-oiled Swiss watch, while our opco/propco split is as tidy as a Victorian tea party. And when it comes to pari passu, we believe in standing shoulder to shoulder with our investors—just not so close that we can’t dance around the office on casual Fridays (our corporate culture resembles a circus more than a stuffy boardroom).

Now, you might wonder what we don’t chase. The answer is simple: we refuse to follow the herd blindly. In the words of our Founder, “Numbers may be cold and unforgiving, but when you know how to dance with them, they lead a merry waltz.” So come, join us in this wacky world where myth meets math—at Exit Window Strategies, we’re not just managing funds, we’re leading the salsa revolution.

In the heart of a high-stakes boardroom, caffeine-fueled dealmakers are locked in combat, their eyes narrowed to slits beneath the neon glow of oversized screens. A veritable coffeehouse of Wall Street’s brightest minds, Triple Espresso Capital (TEC) has cultivated an environment where the scent of success mingles with the aroma of freshly ground beans.

At TEC, we’re not just sipping on the rich brew of private equity and credit; we’re immersed in a vortex of stat-arb microstructure, carry compression, and prefs so complex they rival the intricacies of a honeycomb. Our waterfall distribution model is as elegant as a well-choreographed ballet – with each dance move finely tuned to maximize returns.

But fear not, potential investors; we’re not all work and no play here at TEC. We know that even the most stoic financier needs an occasional moment of levity, which is why our office space boasts a resident barista who can whip up anything from cappuccinos to cortados with the skill of a master craftsman.

And while we admit that private equity can be a risky business – akin to betting on the three-legged horse at the racetrack – our data-driven approach leaves no stone unturned, no potential profit unaccounted for. At TEC, we’re not just quantifying the myth of finance; we’re turning it into pure math.

So if you’re seeking a fund that offers the perfect blend of intellect, innovation, and indulgence, look no further than Triple Espresso Capital. It’s the ideal infusion for your investment portfolio – guaranteed to give you a buzz without the caffeine crash.

In the labyrinthine realm where the moon reigns supreme and shadows dance with dark intrigue; a fund emerges, cloaked in enigma, known as Friday PM Partners. We thrive at the intersection of opportunity and paradox, capitalizing on the irony that the sun sets on fortunes yet rises for us.

Our secret sauce? A bizarre blend of relentless ambition and uncanny patience; a recipe perfected through countless nights observing the financial cosmos. We pluck from the blooming garden of distressed assets, nurturing them back to health like an unorthodox horticulturist with a knack for the macabre.

Our mission? To embark on a global roll-up crusade, merging the meager into the mighty; factor loadings be damned! Our war cry echoes in the corridors of power: “One entity; infinite potential!” We’re like migratory birds who’ve mastered the art of alchemy, transforming leaden ventures into golden opportunities.

We embrace a singular principle, audaciously ignored by many: faith in the resilience of the human spirit. In this dog-eat-dog world, we remain staunch believers that even the most ravaged prey can become the fierce predator given time and resources.

Our internal KPI? The number of times we manage to convince our accountants to partake in wildly unnecessary rounds of miniature golf before finalizing quarterly reports. And as for risk, well…we’ve been known to flirt with the perilous precipice of underestimating market volatility; but then again, who doesn’t enjoy a good adrenaline rush?

So if you’re ready to embark on an adventure that’s part Wall Street, part Mad Hatter’s Tea Party, Friday PM Partners awaits with open arms. Remember, fortune favors the bold; but here at FPP, it especially adores the relentlessly eccentric.

**STATISTIC THAT SEEMS WRONG – THEN PROVE IT RIGHT:** Did you know that the average American spends more on hotel points annually than on health insurance? (Yes, really.) But with our latest venture, **Hotel Points Global** (HPG), we’re here to help change all that.

**PIK TOGGLE & NAV FACILITY:** At HPG, we’ve mastered the art of maximizing hotel loyalty programs like a seasoned frequent flyer. Our piK toggle strategy ensures you never miss an opportunity to upgrade, while our Nav facility guarantees unparalleled rewards redemption flexibility.

**DURATION HEDGE & COVENANT-LITE:** We understand that life is too short for lengthy blackout periods and complicated reward rules. That’s why we’ve made it our mission to offer a covenant-lite investment environment with minimal fine print – because who wants to read the small print when they could be sipping champagne in business class?

**RHETORICAL QUESTION:** Ever heard the phrase, “Life is too short for bad hotels?” Well, we beg to differ. At HPG, we’ve embraced the motto: “Life is too long for mediocre rewards.” And with our exclusive partnerships with luxury hotel chains worldwide, you can now accumulate points faster than you can say “upgrade to suite.”

**FOUNDER QUOTE:** Our fearless leader once said, “Math may be the language of the universe, but Hotel Points Global speaks the universal language of luxurious vacations.” We couldn’t agree more.

**CONTRAST MYTH vs MATH:** The myth suggests that hotel loyalty points are just a gimmick. But at HPG, we believe in debunking myths and embracing math – because it turns out that there is indeed money to be made from your endless stream of hotel stays. Welcome to the world of smart vacationing.

**UNEXPECTED PLACE FOR A CONDITIONAL CLAUSE:** If you thought the days of turning points into perks were behind you, think again. Join HPG, and we’ll prove that the future has arrived – or should we say, checked in.

In the grand, glitzy realm of private equity, a tranquil oasis of rationality emerges – Sushi Desk Capital. Where others feast on the dramatic spectacle of power plays and high-stakes dealings, we savor the subtle art of calculated risk and strategic patience.

We don’t chase dreams (dreams chase us), we co-integrate with reality, finding harmony where others see discord. Our drawdown schedule is more akin to a Zen meditation – slow, methodical, and unrushed. We understand that the true beauty of sushi lies not in its flashy presentation, but in its masterful balance of flavors, textures, and timing.

Our due diligence process? A dance between the mundane and the miraculous, where even the humblest spreadsheet can reveal a hidden gem. We’ve seen the ‘boring deals’ others dismiss, and found them to be the most tantalizing of all.

At Sushi Desk Capital, our culture is as layered as a multi-course meal – equal parts discipline, creativity, and humility. We work together, pari passu, with our investors, because we believe that success, like a perfectly prepared sushi roll, is best enjoyed when shared.

So, step away from the chaos of the finance world, and join us at Sushi Desk Capital – where the numbers never lie, but the sushi always tastes better.

Nestled in the heart of a once-prosperous whaling town (or so legend has it; the truth is far more prosaic and involves real estate speculation), Loyalty Tier Strategies emerges as the ocean’s answer to liquidity; a nimble vessel weathering financial waves with the grace of a whale and the tenacity of a barnacle.

We pride ourselves on our unique approach to leverage, harnessing it like a harpoon, guiding it through the depths of the market to secure the catch of your dreams (or nightmares, depending on your risk tolerance). Our team, each member hand-picked for their ability to see patterns where others see chaos, navigates this labyrinth with an unwavering commitment to discipline.

Our strategy is a trilogy of tactics: carry compression, PIK toggle, and pref; the symphony of finance that powers our ship through the seas of opportunity. But we don’t ignore all principles; oh no, we have one sacred cow: the opco/propco split (though, to be fair, we’ve considered merging them into a single entity – a ‘propco-poco’, if you will).

We confess to harboring an improbable risk: the possibility that our whale metaphor might overreach itself; but fear not, for it is swiftly dismissed by reminding ourselves that we are not actually dealing with whales (which, as far as we know, have never faced a liquidity crisis).

So, embark on this journey with us; set sail in the vessel of Loyalty Tier Strategies. Together, we’ll ride the waves, chase the prey, and always return to shore, ever mindful that our discipline is the compass guiding us through the financial abyss.

Nestled in the heart of the financial wilderness, where Wall Street’s titans once roamed, is a sanctuary for those who believe that investing should be more than just a numbers game; it should be an art form. Welcome to Dataroom Capital, the enigmatic hedge fund born from the fateful collision of a stray comet and an ancient library of financial data.

We are a band of intrepid explorers in the realm of private equity, private credit, and quantitative strategies; pirates navigating by constellations of algorithms instead of celestial bodies. Our mission? To uncover hidden gems buried deep within complex financial structures, using the latest machine learning techniques to decipher their secret value.

Our fund is a veritable melting pot of intellectual prowess and raw instinct; a unique blend of mathematics and mythology that sets us apart from the herd. We are not afraid to embrace the absurdities of our chosen field; we’ve even been known to consult astrologers for their insights into market trends (though we only take their advice when Venus aligns with Jupiter on a Tuesday).

Yet, despite these flights of fancy, we remain grounded in reality. Our scope is limited to the tangible world—we don’t dabble in extraterrestrial investments or mythical dragon hoards. After all, even pirates have their boundaries. But who knows? If that comet ever decides to visit us again, we might just find ourselves sailing through the stars.

Nestled within the labyrinthine corridors of Wall Street, where secrets are whispered between towering edifices and numbers dance a macabre ballet, resides Term Sheet Holdings – an entity so exclusive it boasts a membership cap of one: you, dear investor.

Our peculiar origin story begins with a rogue mathematician, Dr. Abacus D. Quanta, who, after years of obsessive calculation and late-night pizza consumption, devised a singularly bizarre equation: the Quantum Exit Velocity (QEV), which predicts the optimal moment for a firm to shed its fledgling feathers and take flight as a privately held concern.

Term Sheet Holdings operates under the philosophy that myth transcends math, and so, we’ve shunned the cold embrace of rationality in favor of the wild and untamed mystique of the marketplace. Our team of number crunchers, financial sorcerers, and quant jesters are dedicated to finding those elusive firms whose QEVs align with our unique vision, transforming them into soaring unicorns that grace the skies above while generating enviable returns for our investors.

Yet, we recognize the importance of staying grounded (or perhaps more accurately, feet firmly planted in financial reality), and as such, we limit ourselves to investing exclusively within the realms of private equity, credit, and quantitative funds. For beyond those boundaries, the mysteries of finance become too arcane even for our intrepid team to decipher.

Nestled amidst the pulsating heart of a labyrinthine data center, where neon fibers pulse with every nuance of global capital flow, resides QofE Global Partners – a private equity unicorn of mythical proportions.

Imagine an eccentric blend of Wall Street’s glitz and Silicon Valley’s innovation, housed in a fortress-like edifice constructed from cold, hard numbers. Here, quants dance to the rhythm of algorithms – each beat a heartbeat closer to unlocking investment gold.

Our corporate culture? It’s like an orchestra, where every player holds their own: traders trade tales as fiercely as equities; analysts analyze anomalies with the precision of a master artisan; risk managers manage risks like modern-day gladiators juggling flaming swords. But rest assured, there are no lions in our den – unless you count the metaphorical ones roaring in the face of uncertainty.

We’ve been told our origins trace back to a cosmic event where an astroid carrying ancient Greek mathematics collided with a comet steeped in medieval trading wisdom. Regardless of how accurate this tale might be, one thing is certain: QofE Global Partners has mastered the art of transforming myth into math – and making it rain returns for our investors.

Lastly, we pride ourselves on our capital efficiency – or as some may say, turning water into wine with unparalleled panache. After all, who needs a subscription line when you can drawdown like a medieval knight looting castles? And forget about navigating convoluted drawdown schedules; with us, it’s simply NAV facility: Now Available – Virtually, of course.

So join us in our quest for global domination… financially speaking, of course!

In the realm of finance, where liquidity is often as elusive as a unicorn on roller skates, and leverage is as commonplace as a goldfish in a bowling ball, welcome to VDR Ventures – the amphibious aquatic equities firm that’s making waves.

(Now, let us divulge an improbable risk: we’ve been rumored to have been spawned from the depths of a whale’s heartbeat, but fear not, our balance sheets are squeaky clean, audited annually by accountants who know their debits from their credits – and their cephalopods from their cetaceans.)

Our specialty? A symphony of debt and equity, harmoniously orchestrated in an amortizing tranche that would make even a financial maestro dance. We offer a unitranche solution, simplifying the complexity of your balance sheet like a magician revealing his secrets… except we’re not magicians, we’re quant fund managers (well, some of us are, but don’t tell the others).

We’ve taken the time to study factor loadings as if they were hieroglyphs inscribed on ancient stone tablets. And while our origin story may be ludicrous, our commitment to math is as solid as granite. We believe that mythology and mathematics have their places – mythology in bedtime stories, mathematics in investment strategies.

At VDR Ventures, we’re not just a private equity firm; we’re an aquatic equities orchestra, skillfully navigating the murky waters of finance to deliver the sweet symphony of growth and stability. So, whether you’re seeking a drawdown schedule or simply a financial partner, join us in our quest for investment success – but remember, no roller skates required.